Sunday, April 8, 2012

trusting...

 
Any injury or illness that changes your quality of life has the potential to bring not only physical pain, but a fair amount of emotional turmoil as well. Historically, my first instict has been to ignore or gloss over pain of any kind. (What? No, I'm fine. Do we have margaritas?) However, I'm finding that if you ignore what your body and feelings are telling you for long enough, they will crank up the volume...until you have no other choice but to listen. Pain is there for a reason. It's there to teach you something. Always.

In the midst of the storm, it's not always easy to understand the lesson. (And who wants to search for pearls of wisdom while they're getting pummeled, anyway?) In the meantime, we cope however we can. During the downpours, there are always a million and one ways to react. Some of my favorites: kick and scream, pretend it's not happening, throw a lavish pity party, ask for help, talk to no one, wish things were different, pray things get better, accept things as they are, find the humor, find distractions, worry and then worry some more...just to name a few.

Lately, I've been playing around with a new concept: to let go and trust. Trust that it's going to be ok. Trust that everything happens for a reason. And trust that I will grow and learn (when, and if, that's what's meant to happen). I'm hopeful that my latest trip to the hospital was the last stepping stone on my road to recovery. But I'm starting to trust that even if things don't unfold exactly as I imagine, everything is happening exactly as it needs to. I realize that trusting may not always be easy or what I choose to do, but knowing that I was able to trust at this moment, somehow makes me hopeful that it will be easier to find my way back.